Why They Matter and How to Manage Them
By Stephanie Bickel
We all have communication pet peeves—those little behaviors or words that irritate us so much that we stop listening altogether. Maybe it’s someone saying “um” every other word or emails that are too long to skim. Whatever they are, they reveal not only what we value in communication but also where we might be falling short ourselves.
Pet peeves are not just personal quirks—they’re a leadership opportunity. Understanding, sharing, and managing communication pet peeves can transform your team's dynamics and elevate your leadership. Here’s how.
Listen to the full lesson on Apple Podcasts.
Step 1: Share Your Pet Peeves
Being open about your communication preferences sets the tone for transparency. When you share that filler words like “you know” or typos in documents bother you, you help others understand your expectations. But here’s the twist—acknowledge your own shortcomings, too.
A leader once shared that overused words like "manifest" irritated her, only to realize she'd used the word three times in her presentation minutes later. The room erupted in laughter, but the lesson was clear: we are often blind to our own pet peeves. Opening this dialogue fosters self-awareness and makes your team feel safe to address the irritations they face.
Step 2: Encourage Feedback (Even About Yourself)
Great leaders create an environment where their teams can say, “Hey, you do this too.” This kind of candid feedback can feel humbling but opens the door to growth. For example, in one team discussion, a facilitator who used participants’ names frequently was perceived as “too salesy.” While the intent was genuine, the delivery needed adjustment for cultural sensitivity.
Turning this feedback into a team-building moment ensures that personal habits don’t become roadblocks. It also helps foster trust and camaraderie, as everyone learns they’re in it together.
Step 3: Learn to Manage Pet Peeves
While it’s important to express what bothers you, it’s equally critical to manage your reactions. Overreacting to others' quirks can alienate them and stifle creativity.
Imagine working with a leader whose emails were always short and bullet-pointed. If a message exceeded one screen on his phone, he’d reply with a blank email. At first, this behavior annoyed his team. Over time, they saw it as a game to craft ultra-clear, concise communications. The leader’s pet peeve helped the team develop a valuable skill, but only because it was managed constructively.
Common Communication Pet Peeves—and Solutions
Here are some universal pet peeves we encounter at Speak by Design and tips to address them:
Filler Words: Practice pausing instead of using "um" or "like." It takes discipline but dramatically improves clarity.
"Does That Make Sense?": Replace with confident statements like “Let me know if you’d like further clarification.”
Lack of Eye Contact: Engage with everyone in the room, not just senior leaders or favorites.
Excessive Jargon or Overused words: Overused words like "robust" or "awesome" dilute your message. Challenge yourself to find fresh, impactful language.
Passive-Aggressive Remarks: Instead of "We already covered this," try, “Let me revisit that quickly for clarity.”
Overusing “I”: Shift the focus from “I think” and “my goal” to “we believe” and “our strategy.”
Why Talk About Pet Peeves?
Discussing communication pet peeves is more than venting; it’s about creating awareness and a path to improvement. By identifying what distracts us and others, we sharpen our skills as communicators.
When your team starts talking about what bothers them, it sparks self-reflection. People start thinking, “Am I doing that? Oh no, I do that. I don’t want to anymore.” This creates momentum for personal development and better teamwork.
Where to Next?
Addressing communication pet peeves is a fun, lighthearted way to jumpstart conversations about leadership growth. But it’s just the beginning. In our next session, we’ll explore how great writing amplifies your leadership voice.
Until then, observe your own habits, ask for feedback, and share your expectations openly. The results might surprise you.
This approach blends humor, humility, and practical advice to help you and your team communicate better every day.
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