How to Handle High-Maintenance Team Members and Their Overflowing Emotions

By: Stephanie Bickel

Dealing with high-maintenance team members can be challenging, especially when their emotions run high and venting becomes a frequent occurrence.

However, with the right approach, you can transform these interactions into opportunities for growth and understanding. Here's a step-by-step guide to managing such situations effectively.

High-Maintenance Team Members Need a Different Leadership Approach

Step 1: Slow Down and Listen

When a team member like Mary comes to you overwhelmed and emotional, the first step is to slow down and listen. Show genuine interest in understanding their perspective.

Example:

"Mary, I really want to understand. Can you slow down and start from the beginning? When did you start feeling this way?"

Step 2: Identify and Acknowledge the Emotion

Attach an emotion to what you think the person is feeling and validate it. This helps them feel heard and understood.

Example:

"Mary, trapped? What exactly is making you feel trapped?"

Step 3: Show Empathy and Support

Express empathy and support to create a safe space for them to share their feelings.

Example:

"Mary, I am sorry to hear it has been hard. I can tell you have been under pressure and am so happy you feel comfortable sharing this with me. How are you feeling about the way things are going? Tell me again."

Step 4: Uncover the Root Cause

Encourage them to explore the root cause of their emotions, which can lead to a deeper understanding of the issue.

Example:

"Mary, let’s find the root cause of this."

The Steps to Making Another Person Feel “Felt”

1. Identify the Emotion

• “I’m trying to get a sense of what you’re feeling. Is it frustrated, angry, or something else?”

Let them confirm or clarify.

2. Measure the Emotion

• “How [frustrated] are you?”

Let them express freely, even if it’s intense.

3. Understand the Why

• “And the reason you’re feeling that way is…?”

  
  

Give them space to explain without judgment.

4. Ask What Needs to Happen

• “What would help this feeling improve or change?”

5. Collaborate on Action:

• “What part can I play in making that happen? And what part can you take?”

When you help someone feel truly heard, they begin to regulate themselves. You model calm. You invite clarity. You transform venting into constructive dialogue.

Empathetic leadership isn’t soft, it’s strategic. And it builds resilient teams that communicate clearly, even under pressure.

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