When Your Old Boss Becomes Your Peer

By Stephanie Bickel

Imagine this: The person who once held sway over your deadlines, your recognition, your confidence... is now your peer.

The power dynamics have shifted, but the emotional shadows still linger. That’s where Susan finds herself—caught in the echo chamber of a past she didn’t choose to revisit, with a playbook to write, a product to launch, and a tangle of mistrust to unravel.

Welcome to one of the trickiest riddles in modern leadership: How do you manage a former manager who made life hard—and now stands beside you as an equal?

The answer doesn’t begin with them. It begins with you.

Step One: Scrub the Mental Replay.

Susan’s gut reaction—resentment—wasn’t surprising. When you’ve been dismissed, ignored, or subtly sabotaged, your nervous system keeps a scorecard. But the most powerful leaders don’t rehearse resentment. They revise the narrative.

Instead of reliving the old story, they ask:

What can I learn from this?
What part of me is ready to grow from this challenge?
How do I want to see myself in this next chapter?

This is not naiveté. This is emotional agility—what Harvard’s Susan David calls the ability to feel everything and still choose forward momentum.

Step Two: Play the Long Game—Like a Conductor, Not a Competitor.

Susan feared her former manager would once again ride her coattails. “He’s going to benefit from my playbook,” she said. “Again.”

But here’s the mindset shift: Leverage creates legacy. Great leaders don’t guard knowledge—they spread it, shape it, and own their voice in the process.

Instead of withholding:

She can socialize the playbook with key stakeholders before delivering it.
She can copy the manager on the final draft with positioning: “This version is now aligned across teams.”
She can anchor her value not in applause, but in impact.

This is strategic visibility, not self-promotion.

Step Three: Replace Judgment with Curiosity.

Susan's inner monologue was loud: “He’s hijacking our new manager,” “It’s bro culture,” “He didn’t even respond to my message.”But the emotional wisdom came when she caught herself. Maybe I’m manifesting this through old insecurities.

Enter Byron Katie’s four questions:

Is it true?
Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
Who am I when I believe that thought?
Who would I be without it?

What if he’s not malicious—just insecure? What if his silence isn’t strategic—it’s self-preservation? What if she, not he, is the one holding the match?

Step Four: Shift the Energy. Speak from Strength.

Picture this: Susan meets him on Zoom, not with passive-aggressive tension, but with a new kind of clarity.

She says, “Hey, last time we worked together... I didn’t feel we were at our best. I’d love for this round to feel different.”Then, she pauses. Gives him space to respond. And maybe, just maybe, begins to rewrite the relationship.

But she doesn’t need his apology to move forward.

Because her posture, her voice, and her strategy already say: I’ve evolved.

Step Five: Be the Leader Your Company Needs. Not the One Your Ego Craves.

This isn’t about winning. It’s about rising.Not every project will come with fanfare or fairness.

But every project is an opportunity to prove to yourself that you can navigate conflict without compromising character.

As Susan put it, “This gives me plenty of conflict to practice on.”

Yes, it does. And what a powerful playground it is.

The most compelling professionals don’t just master slide decks and strategy.They master themselves.They bring calm to chaos, clarity to confusion, and courage to the moments that used to make them shrink.

That’s what leadership looks like when your former boss is now your peer.

And that’s how you reclaim your power—with grace, grit, and one brilliant playbook at a time.

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