When a Peer Disagrees With You in Front of a Client: What to Say in the Moment
- Stephanie Bickel
- 12 hours ago
- 4 min read
By Stephanie Bickel
How to protect the relationship, protect your credibility, and manage the emotional spike
It happens fast.
You’re in a customer meeting. Your colleague, your peer, says something that feels off: unprofessional, premature, misaligned, or (worst) subtly “finger-pointy.”
And before you can blink, you feel it: heat in the chest, tightening jaw, a little internal siren that screams, “We do NOT do that in front of clients.”
Now you’ve got two problems at once:
The external problem: the client is watching your team dynamic.
The internal problem: your nervous system just got hijacked.
Here’s how to handle both, cleanly and calmly, with leadership-level presence.
The core goal: Keep the room safe
In a client setting, your first job is not to “win” the disagreement. Your first job is to protect trust. The client’s trust in your team, and your trust in yourself.
So think of this as a two-track response:
Regulate yourself (so you can think)
Lead the room (so the client stays confident)
Step 1: Create separation from the emotion (in 3 seconds)
You don’t have to erase the feeling. You just need to stop it from driving the car.
Try this micro-script internally:
“I notice I’m getting triggered.”
“I see myself getting irritated.”
“This is data. I can respond, not react.”
That tiny shift from “I am upset” to “I notice upset" creates space. Space creates choice.
Bonus move: silently relax your tongue off the roof of your mouth and drop your shoulders.
It sounds small. It’s not. Your body is the steering wheel.
Step 2: Restart the clock (choose your next moment)
This is the leadership move that separates pros from performers.
Say to yourself: “Restart the clock.” Translation: “I’m not going to punish the entire meeting with my frustration.”
You can still address the peer later. But in the meeting, you go forward with fresh energy and a steady tone.
Step 3: Use “We-language” to restore a unified front
When clients sense internal conflict, they start wondering:“If they’re not aligned… what else is shaky?”
So your goal is to bring the language back to one team, one voice.
Use phrases like:
“What we can say confidently right now is…”
“Here’s how we think about it…”
“The way we handle this is…”
“Let’s make sure we don’t overcommit before we have the full picture.”
Even if you’re disagreeing internally, you speak externally as a unit.
Step 4: Buy time without looking unsure
If your peer is pushing urgency (“We need an answer today”), you can stay steady and credible by using a “professional pause” tool.
Try:
Restate: “So the question is whether we can commit to X by Y.”
Clarify: “When you say ‘today,’ do you mean by end of day, or a next-step by end of day?”
Boundary + reassurance: “We don’t have enough verified information to decide today—but we can outline options and timing right now.”
This is where “Opinion + Two” helps: give a clear stance + two supporting points.
Example:
“My view: we shouldn’t commit to that timeline today.Two reasons: we’re missing the regulatory confirmation, and we haven’t validated operational capacity.What we can do today is confirm the decision path and when you’ll have a final answer.”
That’s calm. That’s executive.
Step 5: If needed, take the reins (without making it weird)
Sometimes the best in-the-moment strategy is: let the peer finish, then you lead.
You don’t “rescue” mid-sentence (that can create visible friction).You simply step in decisively:
“Let me anchor where we are.”
“Here’s the cleanest way to think about this.”
“Let’s separate what we know from what we need to confirm.”
Then you carry the meeting forward.
Step 6: After the meeting, debrief directly (and fast)
Don’t let this simmer. The relationship friction only grows.
Use a client-first debrief that isn’t accusatory:
“Can we do a quick reset on something from that client meeting?”
“When we disagree in front of the customer, it can read like internal misalignment.”
“Next time, can we align on who answers which questions—or take that disagreement offline?”
If you want to be even more specific:
“When you said ___, I got concerned it could be heard as ___.”
“What were you trying to accomplish in that moment?”
“What agreement do we want for next time?”
That last line is gold: move to agreement.
Step 7: Decide what this moment is telling you
Sometimes a peer slip is just a slip. Other times it’s a pattern: a positioning move, a trust issue, a “trap.”
Treat your emotional reaction like a signal:
Is this a one-time misstep?
Or is this how this person operates under pressure?
If it’s a pattern, you’re not just managing meetings, you’re managing risk. And that’s a different plan.
The leadership move that matters
In client work, your presence isn’t proven when everything is smooth. It's proven when something goes sideways and you stay:
composed
clear
aligned
and quietly in charge
That’s leadership communication.
Interested in a true leap forward in your leadership communication skills, start building new communication habits that advance your leadership and increase your impact immediately: speakbydesign.com/join
