The Inner Critic vs. The Inner Coach: Who Shows Up When You Step Up?
- Stephanie Bickel
- Jun 26
- 2 min read
By: Stephanie Bickel
You’re about to speak up in a high-stakes meeting.
Your camera is on. Your pulse quickens. You’ve rehearsed the message. But just as you lean in to speak, there it is.
A voice inside you whispers:
... “You better not mess this up.”
That’s your inner critic.
Every professional has one. It’s the voice of doubt, fear, and second-guessing. And it shows up loudest right when the stakes are highest.
But there’s another voice. Quieter, but wiser.
... “You’ve prepared. You belong here. Speak clearly and lead.”
That’s your inner coach. And when you learn how to dial it up, your communication changes, fast.
Let’s explore how to recognize which voice is leading, and how to retrain your internal dialogue before the moment matters most.
Spotting the Inner Critic: It’s Not Just Negative, It’s Sneaky
The inner critic rarely screams. It whispers in reasonable tones. It sounds like:
“Maybe someone else has a better answer.”
“You don’t want to come off as too confident.”
“Now’s not the time. Wait for later.”
The result? You hesitate. You ramble. You minimize your ideas.
At Speak by Design, we see this in high-performers all the time. Not because they lack ability, but because they haven't retrained their mindset.
Activating the Inner Coach: Rehearse the Thought, Not Just the Speech
The inner coach doesn’t just say “You’ve got this.” It’s specific and grounded in facts. You can train your brain to access it faster by asking:
“What do I know for sure here?”
“What’s the clearest way I can help this team move forward?”
“What would I say if I were already confident?”
Rehearse these thoughts before you enter the room, not just your words.
“Confidence isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practiced response.”
Step into High-Visibility Moments Differently
Here’s how strong communicators prepare mentally before stepping up:
Before a meeting: They remind themselves, “I was invited into this conversation for a reason.”
Before presenting: They anchor to the value: “This message helps others move forward.”
When nervousness hits: They breathe, pause, and think: “Presence is my power.”
Mindset doesn’t remove the pressure. It helps you walk through it with composure.
Coach Yourself in Real Time
Even during a tough Q&A or intense boardroom discussion, you can coach yourself quietly. Try these on-the-spot reframes:
Critic: “They didn’t nod. They’re not with me.”
Coach: “Keep leading. People process in different ways.”
Critic: “That wasn’t perfect.”
Coach: “It was helpful. Keep going.”
Critic: “I sound nervous.”
Coach: “This matters to me. That’s a strength.”
Want to Strengthen Your Inner Coach?
Inside Speak by Design University, we help leaders rewrite their inner scripts, speak with purpose, and lead with confidence every single week.
Click here to join us. The next time you step up, bring the coach, not the critic.
