By Stephanie Bickel
How to Coach Others: The 5 Elements of Great Coaching Relationship
What makes a great coach? It’s more than listening or asking questions—it’s about meeting people where they are, inspiring their growth, and giving clear guidance when it matters most. Coaching is an essential skill for every leader, no matter your level in an organization. You can behave like a coach with your direct reports, peers, clients, and your senior leaders.
A great coaching relationship includes all 5 of these moments.
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1. Establish a Relationship
Before you teach, direct, or advise, you need to build trust. Whether you’re starting a new project or working with someone for the first time, slow down. Get to know them as a person first.
Why it matters:You cannot jump straight into coaching without connection. When you take time to understand someone’s background, preferences, and goals, they’ll be far more open to your feedback and guidance.
Try this: In a first meeting, focus on curiosity. Ask questions like, “What excites you most about this project?” or “What’s something you’re proud of in your career so far?”
2. Set Learning Expectations
Great coaching starts with mutual growth. Align early on what you both hope to learn from the experience—yes, you too!
Example Script:“Mary, over this project, how are you hoping to grow as a leader? I have some ideas for myself and thought it’d be great to align on ways we can learn together.”
Why it matters:When you set learning goals together, coaching becomes a shared journey. It creates excitement and ensures growth remains a priority for everyone.
3. Teach and Build Capabilities
Teaching is at the core of great coaching. Whether it’s walking through a presentation, teaching a process, or rehearsing for a big pitch, your role is to build confidence and capabilities.
How to teach well:
Be direct: Give clear, specific examples of what works and what doesn’t.
Practice together: Rehearse real scenarios to see improvements live.
Teach senior people, too: Even experienced leaders benefit from practicing and refining skills.
Tip: When teaching feels “out of line,” reframe it as an opportunity to co-create. For example, “Let’s walk through this presentation together. I’d love to hear how it sounds and tweak it as we go.”
4. Deliver Feedback that Inspires
Feedback is the moment everyone worries about—but it’s also where growth happens. The best coaches share observations, focus on impact, and keep the tone positive.
Use the OILS formula:
Observation: What you saw or heard
Impact: How it affected you or the work
Listen: Pause and let them respond
Suggest: Offer forward-focused ideas
Example Script:“Mary, your eyes were looking around during this part of the presentation, which made me feel like you weren’t fully confident. Is that true? If you could hold steady eye contact, it would project more certainty.”
Why it works:Feedback is most effective when it’s actionable, honest, and delivered with a growth mindset. The goal? Leave the person excited to improve—not defeated.
5. Counsel without Judgment
This is the most advanced coaching skill. When it’s a tough decision, a personal struggle, or an emotional moment, this is not the time to fix, judge, or advise.
What to do instead:
Listen fully without judgment.
Ask compassionate, open-ended questions: “What are you thinking? How can I support you?”
Be present and unflappable—if they cry, it’s okay. Stay with them.
Why it matters:
People always remember how you handled these tender moments. This is where trust deepens and relationships solidify.
How to Start Coaching Today
Now that you know the five coaching moments, step back and reflect:
Who in your organization could benefit from your coaching?
What stage of the coaching cycle are you in—building trust, teaching, or giving feedback?
Coaching doesn’t require a formal role. It can start immediately, with something as simple as a conversation, an email, or an offer to help someone prepare.
Final Thoughts: The Heart of Great Coaching
The best coaches leave people feeling motivated, capable, and excited to grow. They know when to guide directly, when to ask questions, and when to simply listen.
If you’re ready to take your coaching skills to the next level, start experimenting today. Lead with curiosity, clarity, and care—and watch the impact unfold.
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