Holding the Room When the Energy Turns Negative
- Stephanie Bickel
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
By Stephanie Bickel
You’re leading a meeting, asking a perfectly reasonable question, and someone answers… something else.
You asked for red flags in the rollout, and they said, “Well, it’s never going to be perfect, so let’s just be happy with 60%.”
You asked for logic, and they gave you a vibe.
You wanted momentum, and the room slid into “we’re doing the best we can” group-therapy talk.
What just happened?
One defensive response knocked your meeting off its objective.
And as the leader, you’re suddenly doing emotional traffic control instead of business.
This is happening more right now. Teams are stretched, change is constant, and insecurity is high. That creates defensive answers, premature compromise, and subtle negativity that lowers standards if we don’t catch it in real time.
Great leaders don’t ignore negativity. They name it, narrow it, and nudge it back to the work.
That’s all we’re doing with these communication moves:
Disarm first (“Thank you for that…”)
Re-anchor to the actual question
Ask for logic
Park the emotional spiral for 1:1
Keep the standard visible
You don’t have to be harsh to be high standard. You just have to be clear.
Myth: “If I challenge that negative comment, I’ll look unsupportive.”
Reality: Letting a vague or defensive comment stand is actually less supportive to the group, to the initiative, and even to the person who said it. When you restate the question and ask for specifics, you help them be taken seriously. Clarity is kindness.
You don’t need a personality transplant to do this.
You just need a few ready-to-say lines you can pull out when the room drifts.
You can stay warm and still say:
“Thank you for that. Can we go back to the original question?”
“Tell me more about the 60% from a math point of view.”
“This is helpful… can we go back to the mechanics?”
“Can I find you after? I’d love to hear more.”
These phrases protect the tone, protect the standard, and protect the relationship.
If you don’t do it, the room will slowly choose comfort over excellence.
Here’s what happens when leaders let “it’ll never be perfect” go unchallenged:
Standards get socialized downward.
Meetings become feelings-based instead of decision-based.
High performers stop talking because the bar is too low.
Change efforts slow, not because the strategy was bad, but because the energy was unmanaged.
Negativity is contagious. So is low rigor. Leaders have to inoculate the room against it.
Tips (What to Say in the Moment)
A. When someone answers defensively or goes negative
“Thank you for that. Let me restate the question so we’re all on the same page…”
“Tell me more about the 60% from a math/impact point of view.”
“That’s an interesting angle. Can I find you after to go deeper on that study?”
Why it works: Gratitude disarms. Restating re-anchors. Moving it offline protects the room.
B. When the group drifts into “kumbaya” instead of rigor
“This is helpful… can we go back to the mechanics?”
“Our goal is the highest adoption we can get. Let’s talk red flags.”
“When we relax the standard, pace of change slows. Let’s stay high here.”
Why it works: You’re not shaming anyone, you’re re-centering on outcomes.
C. Handling the “it’ll never be perfect” objection
“You’re right, it won’t be 100%… but 30% still feels low to me. What would raise it?”
“Let’s look at this from business impact, not perfection.”
Why it works: You agree first, then lift the standard.
D. Protecting the room from a negative person
“I can tell you’ve seen this fail before, those are exactly the red flags we need.”
“Next time, could you send those ahead? That will help the whole group.”
“Would you watch the recording and tell me how your tone landed? I want people to hear your experience, not be put off by the delivery.”
Why it works: You honor experience but still coach behavior.
E. Coaching language for 1:1s
“I can tell you don’t fully believe in this, and I don’t want you to fake it. Tell me the reasons.”
“People value your opinion. When you just say ‘it won’t work,’ we miss the specifics that would help the whole team.”
Why it works: You separate belief from behavior. You invite more detail.
F. When the “study” answer feels thin or outdated
“Is that still what you’re seeing today?”
“In my adult relationships, 30% would feel too low, that’s why I’m asking.”
Why it works: You’re not attacking the source; you’re testing relevance. And no one can argue with lived experience.
G. Broad facilitation tip
“How are you two seeing this?”
Why it works: Redirecting brings in other voices and diffuses the tension from the first responder.
Picture your next rollout meeting.
Someone gives the classic: “We’re never going to get everyone to follow this.
”You smile: “Thank you for that. Our goal is still maximum adoption. What are the red flags we should account for now?”
The room stays with you.
The standard stays high.
The negative person feels heard but not in charge of the tone.
Your team learns by watching you. That we can be positive, polite, and precise at the same time.
That is Speak by Design leadership: warm first, high standard always.
Interested in a true leap forward in your leadership communication skills, start building new communication habits that advance your leadership and increase your impact immediately: speakbydesign.com/join
